Sunday, June 22, 2008

Van Damme erection

Hello people I have just come back from the hospital because I accidentally swallowed a 2 dollar coin.
The doctors are adamant there is still no change....
When you pick your costumes try and outdo these kids. Amazing.

I have wanted to experience a lot of things in life. Watching Jean Claude Van Damme achieve an erection was not one of them.

My friend recently lent me a pornographic tape, it was called gang bang sluts No 13. I was a bit pissed off, how would I be able to know whats going on without seeing the first 12? is pretty much the funniest site on the web. It features absolute cannon fodder with their mandanas, tweaked hats, fake tans, fluro collars up next to their female get the picture, its sort of like Parklife on line.
I have provided a sampler of some pics most of the people pouting or throwing up not in a gang signs. People pouting in photos is the most horrific thing ever, its not funny or pretty, you are not in a magazine,you look like a carp, stop it. Here we go.
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Everyone seems to ask why are these hot chicks hanging out with these idiots? The answer is a very simple one. A large amount of attractive women are fucking idiots.

This Whippet has a genetic disease but lives a perfectly happy life on an English farm. Lets meet him.
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I have always wanted to release a new cut of Schindlers List where Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry, Be Happy" plays over the credits.

Tonya Harding was an olympic ice skater that hired a bouncer to smash her rivals knees in with an iron bar ensuring her a gold medal. She was caught and became a pro boxer sticking with the violence theme. She is broke now and sells this tabasco sauce with the catch phrase "Not for the weak kneed". This world is all class.
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If I ever was going to drown Id like to be really thirsty before it happened so I would get that tiny bit of satisfaction. I think a big bag of potato chips should be provided on boats in the first aid kit if the emergency was inevitable. I would be like if Im going this way, Im going parched.

I like the fact that I am as preachy about being an atheist as an annoying god fearing person. I mean isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
Here is a list of famous Atheists.
Douglas Adams, Woody Allen, Lance Armstrong, Darren Aronofsky, Isaac Asimov, Richard Branson, Warren Buffett, George Carlin, John Carpenter, Asia Carrera, Fidel Castro, Noam Chomsky, Billy Connolly, David Cronenberg, Rodney Dangerfield, Ani DiFranco, Brian Eno, Jodie Foster, Janeane Garofalo, Bill Gates, Bob Geldof, Ricky Gervais, Katharine Hepburn, Eddie Izzard, Billy Joel, Angelina Jolie, Bruce Lee, Tom Lehrer, H.P. Lovecraft, John Malkovich, Barry Manilow, Todd McFarlane, Sir Ian McKellen, Arthur Miller, Frank Miller, Julianne Moore, Jack Nicholson, Gary Numan, Camille Paglia, Terry Pratchett, Ron Reagan Jr., Keanu Reeves, Gene Roddenberry, Joe Rogan, Henry Rollins, Salman Rushdie, Steven Soderbergh, Eddie Vedder, Paul Verhoeven, Gore Vidal, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Joss Whedon, Matt Groening.....

Jay Adams was a very cute little kid. He is considered the original aggressive skateboarder and became quite popular even singing on a slinky commercial. He then fell in with a gang affiliated with band Suicidal Tendencies and got into a whole heap of trouble. He was greatly homophobic and beat up a couple of gay men, one died in the process. He is still in jail and is also without a septum in his nose, he has one nostril from years of cocaine abuse. His stepfather took photos of him as a child and a book of these photos called Jay Boy is being sold in order to set up a fund for his family. Here is a pic.
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I met someone that had an activity sensitive name. I was in Myer in the menswear section and a storelady said "If you need anything my name is Tessa" I thought what if I don't need anything, whats her name then?

They can make fish glow now. They are for sale all over America for about 7 bucks each. The fluorescence in the fish is produced by a fluorescent protein gene, which creates the beautifully colored fluorescent protein that can be seen when looking at the fish. The fluorescent protein genes are naturally occurring genes which are derived from marine organisms. They are not for sale here in Aus yet but I am looking into it. They react under a black light also. How cool would some of these be!
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Bearforce 1 are a group of beaver leavers that need to be seen to be believed.

Submission of the month is the Anaconda Choke, I like this one as its quite easy and involves a gator roll. Try it on your partner. Always let go when they tap.

Kevin Smith has done a whole of stuff. He wrote and directed Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob, Chasing Amy, all that stuff. When he made the film Dogma religious groups protested. He went to one of the protests as a joke (he is actually a devout catholic) with a fake placard and was interviewed on live tv pretending to be disgusted with the film. No one realized that he actually wrote and directed it. He made Clerks 2 which is actually one of the most painful, low brow films ever made but he is a very captivating speaker and a great storyteller. He spoke at this lecture about a very famous film producer that he was assigned to make a Superman film with. Stick with it, its all strange but very true. This shows how nerdcore I am.

Genesis P-orridge sang in an experimental band called Throbbing Gristle that pioneered the use of pre-recorded tape-based samples. Now he is part of Pandrogeny a duo consisting of him and his female partner. He dresses as a woman and has had breast implants but maintains a straight relationship with his girlfriend who has undergone surgery to look more like him. Meeting each other halfway so to speak. He has also had all his bottom row of teeth removed and replaced with gold caps.
Its a start...
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My middle name is derived from my grandpa's name.
Kane Grandpa Banner.

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